I wish I could punch you in the face.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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