your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
