He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
