New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
