I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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