you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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