From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
