He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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