I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
