my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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