Define "chronic" masturbator.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
