I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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