So drunk, too bad you don't want this
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
