Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
if only i could text you this smell
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
