i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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