I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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