we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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