I never want to see another naked old woman again.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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