I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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