Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
