Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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