just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
