I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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