so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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