So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
