Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
my liver is dry heaving
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