PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
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