Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
