I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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