Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
