Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
