Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
