Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Randomize
