Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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