Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
