i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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