Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
