I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
