GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
