Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
