i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
