I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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