I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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