I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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