I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
