If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
