did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
