First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize