I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
