my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
