i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
im holly from the hills drunk
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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