last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
