fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You are the jesus of drinking
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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