I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
