Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
