I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I got inside last night via doggy door
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Randomize
