Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
