Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize