Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
