I'm going to jail i love you
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
