you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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