I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
