Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
