We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
the day after is always just damage control
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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