Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
