I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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