don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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