So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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