he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
